Tinyelvis' Journals

Stuck in An Elevator

[Excerpt] - Be Sure to Visit the Youtube link to the video...

..."Passengers seem to know instinctively how to arrange themselves in an elevator. Two strangers will gravitate to the back corners, a third will stand by the door, at an isosceles remove, until a fourth comes in, at which point passengers three and four will spread toward the front corners, making room, in the center, for a fifth, and so on, like the dots on a die. With each additional passenger, the bodies shift, slotting into the open spaces. The goal, of course, is to maintain (but not too conspicuously) maximum distance and to counteract unwanted intimaciesâ�”a code familiar (to half the population) from the urinal bank and (to them and all the rest) from the subway. One should face front. Look up, down, or, if you must, straight ahead. Mirrors compound the unease. Generally, no one should speak a word to anyone else in an elevator. Most people make allowances for the continuation of generic small talk already under way, or, in residential buildings, for neighborly amenities. The orthodox enforcers of silenceâ�”the elevator Quakersâ�”must suffer the moderates or the serial abusers, as they cram in exchanges about the night, the game, the weekend, or the meal..."

Here's a Link to the Saga of Nicholas White and his 41 hour entrapment in a NY Elevator: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/04/21/080421fa_fact_paumgarten?currentPage=all

Link to Video from Security Cam: http://youtube.com/watch?v=p_bMhNI_TY8

I think I'm in love...

interested in you
My name is Melian Adisa ,i saw your profile today and became intrested in you,i willalso like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.Here is my email address (Adisamelian@yahoo.com i believe we can move from here.I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.Miss melian Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life.
Yours Love
Miss M elian.

Jesus Chrusto

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250104500278&sspagename=ADME:L:RTQ:US:1

Someone from the office next door to me found Jesus in their Papa John's pizza

Unforgettable Photos

You've already seen many of these. Most are pretty depressing, but powerful nonetheless.

http://www.dismalworld.com/must_see/unforgettable_photos.php

The Empire Is Lying To Us

WeÂ¹ve all heard the 'official conspiracy theory' of the Death Star attack.

We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And weÂ¹ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder. Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.

Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the stationÂ¹s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didnÂ¹t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to Â³bullseye wompratsÂ² on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be Â³impossible, even for a computer.Â² Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord VaderÂ¹s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth VaderÂ¹s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

The Indian Thriller?

Michael Jackson meets Bollywood...

http://gorillamask.net/indianthriller.shtml

Miniature Earth

If the whole earth were reduced to 100 people...it would probably look something like this...

http://www.miniature-earth.com/

Katrina 360 Damage Virtual Tour

http://risingfromruin.msnbc.com/tour.html?roadzoom13btn3

The Most Uncomfortable Commercial on Television

A few months back, I was watching the NBA playoffs and a Hanes commercial with Michael Jordan and Kevin Bacon came on, setting the stage for one of the most uncomfortable 30 seconds of my life. Here I was, partaking in the completely hetersosexual activity that is watching the NBA playoffs, and BAM!, I'm hit with a homoerotic intervention rivalving the time I tried to sit through the movie "Party Monster." Immediately, my phone lit up like a Christmas tree - friends calling me in utter shock..."Did you just see that?" "What the hell just happened?" "Did I just see Kevin's Bacon?"

Clay Travis has a brilliant analysis of the most uncomfortable commercial on TV...

ClayNation: Most uncomfortable commercial on TV

June 12, 2006
By Clay Travis
SPiN Columnist
Tell Clay your opinion!

I don't know anything about advertising, but I am absolutely certain of this fact: Seeing Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan advertise Hanes underwear is the most uncomfortable minute of the NBA Playoffs thus far (except for every television shot of the telecasters that remind everyone Doug Collins has, in fact, chosen to go with platinum blond hair). The Hanes commercial is like an underwear car accident -- you want to look away, but the strained acting, awkward body language and grapes tossing keeps you pinned to the couch peeking through your eyes.

Here is the commercial in ClayNation frame-by-frame analysis:

First, Bacon shoots a jumper in triplicate on the right side of the screen. From out of nowhere, Jordan soars into the screen wearing the staples of athletic apparel: A black shirt, black belt and gray dress pants. Jordan rejects Bacon's shot. Bacon then attempts to shoot his car keys into a bowl, but Jordan rejects his keys as well.

Each man eyes the other ruefully and Jordan slowly shakes his head (truth be told, there is nothing funnier than swatting someone's car keys). Kevin Bacon then wads up a piece of paper and attempts to toss it into the trash can. But ... you guessed it! His Airness is there once again to protect the sanctity of the trash can by sliding by in a chair just in time for the swat. Yep, a rolling chair. Rejected. Too bad they didn't use Marv Albert's voice here.

Finally, Bacon attempts to toss a grape above his head and into his mouth, but Jordan is there again to swipe away the grape. Four rejections! All this activity has boiled down to the crucible moment, the only spoken line by either man of the commercial: "What?" Jordan asks, and then winks at Bacon. That's it.

Also, the entire commercial appears to have been filmed on an eerie Cabinet of Dr. Caligari-esque set. Basically, we are led to believe that for whatever reason, Kevin Bacon likes to shoot things and Michael Jordan likes to reject them after it leaves Bacon's hand. But now that you know the commercial in all its brilliance, it's time for my favorite things that aren't discussed or explained in the commercial itself:

1. Michael Jordan and Kevin Bacon are hanging out. I flat out do not believe that Jordan and Bacon would ever spend time together doing anything. So while occasionally ads can have you at "hello," this one had me at "no" from the start. Admittedly, I've been angry at Bacon ever since he had a frontal nude scene in Wild Things and Neve Campbell didn't.

2. Someone at Hanes thought: Michael Jordan + Kevin Bacon = marketing goldmine. Even worse, someone else thought this initial idea was a good one and passed it along until eventually, this commercial got made. Didn't anyone have doubts about this? When this commercial was screened, did Hanes executives high-five one another and say, "By God, make sure we double production of the Hanes ComfortSoft Woven Boxer. This is genius."

3. Bacon is tossing grapes and Jordan swats one away from him. Remember when Jordan dunked from the free-throw line? And remember how I said he single-handedly made knee-length shorts, bald heads for black men and the tongue sticking out on the playground really cool moves? Well, now the time has come: Jordan is officially the old dude who is swatting grapes away from the guy who starred in Footloose. We all knew MJ's athletic talents would eventually succumb to Father Time, but did his coolness have to evaporate all at once as well? It's almost like George Clooney announcing tomorrow he's dating Starr Jones.

4. Jordan gives a subtle "no" head shake after each rejection of Bacon's jumper, car keys, piece of paper and grape. This is the same guy who was pinning actual jumpers against the glass a few years ago. Now, he's relegated to rejecting Bacon's car keys? Remember that scene in the parking lot from Boogie Nights where Dirk Diggler is performing for $20? The rejections in this Hanes commercial are Jordan's parking lot moment.

5. Did I mention that Bacon is tossing grapes? Again, I'm baffled that someone could have ever believed this would make a compelling commercial. What other ideas did this eventually beat out? I would absolutely love to see the discarded script for this television commercial. Squirting lemons at one another? Slicing onions? Please, someone show me the flow chart of brilliance that led to tossing and rejecting grapes.

6. Suzy Kolber's role in that Diet Pepsi commercial looked like an Oscar winning turn compared to this commercial. You know, the one where she interviews the Diet Pepsi machine while everyone is chanting, "Machine, Machine ..." in the background? Oh man, what if Suzy Kolber turned down the Hanes commercial because she didn't like the script? Okay, we're officially turning this into a ClayNation Internet rumor.

7. Someone from Hanes called Kevin Bacon and said they wanted him to star in an underwear commercial with Michael Jordan. If you were one of Bacon's friends, wouldn't this be the greatest prank to play on him? I just can't believe Bacon ever believed this was legitimate up until the point where the Hanes check actually cleared.

8. Bacon changed his wardrobe about 43 times during the commercial. We see Bacon resplendent in a nice brown blazer, a black leather jacket with white T-shirt underneath, a brown leather jacket and about 15 different colored T-shirts. Jordan, however, remains clad in his black shirt, gray dress pants and black belt throughout. A part of me hopes that when told to change clothes, Jordan said, "It doesn't matter what I wear, this commercial is going to be horrible. I'm not changing clothes. Cut my check."

9. Okay, so could there be a subtext to the Hanes commercial? Could the grapes being tossed be a dig at rival Fruit of the Loom? If so, what percentage of viewers got this? One percent at best. And here's a clue: It's underwear. Incorporate a hot girl if you want a subtext.

10. How bad are things for Matthew Perry? First, he awkwardly shoots pool with Jordan while awkwardly bantering and then Hanes replaces him with Kevin Bacon. Not that Perry was any more believable as Jordan's buddy, but he got axed from the commercials. If only Perry was replaced by Marcel the monkey from Friends.

You want marketing goldmine? I'll give you marketing goldmine: Dirk Nowitzki + David Hasselhoff. Throw in K.I.T.T. and give it a nice line like, "If underwear was made for talking cars, I'd never take it off." I guarantee Hanes would have to open up new sweat shops.

Incidentally, when I told my wife about this column, she said, "I think you're underestimating Kevin Bacon's appeal. He's huge." Unfortunately for her, she also said in response to my commercial idea, "Who's Dink Norwitzkay?" Maybe my theory needs some work, too. But much less work than this Hanes commercial.

The Governator in Brazil

Arnie tries to learn Portuguese...or something like that.

http://goodiebag.tv/odds/arnie_in_brazil.htm